Archive for the ‘Rants’ Category

LG: Where Incompetent Meets Unconscionable

IS THE LG V10 THE DUMBEST PHONE EVER question mark   YOU TELL ME period I’VE OWNED FOUR SMART PHONES comma THE V10 IS BY FAR THE MOST EXPENSIVE ONE I’VE EVER OWNED comma AND IT’S THE ONLY ONE THAT ROUTINELY SPELLS OUT THE WORDS “PERIOD” comma “QUESTION MARK” comma “EXCLAMATION POINT” comma AND “COMMA”

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

Almost true story: A fine Southern lady and her daughter are taking a cab through New York, when the young girl asks about several brazenly-dressed women standing at a nearby street corner. “Well, sweetheart,” her mother explains, “those women are personal escorts. Single gentlemen hire ladies like that to keep them company.” “Aww comon, toots,”

Equal Parts Elvis And Colonel Tom.

Equal Parts Elvis And Colonel Tom.

REMEMBERING TECH’S COOLEST CONTROL FREAK. It’s six days after Steve Jobs’ death, and I interrupted my work flow this morning to click on a melodramatic story headline about the biological father he never knew. Needless to say, I can’t ever remember being so endlessly fascinated by a company CEO—which is why, at the 11th hour

Hope I Die Before I Get Old.

Hope I Die Before I Get Old.

If you asked me, Pete Townshend’s classic line has a lot more to do with attitude than age. First, make no mistake: When it comes to lifestyle, nobody’s older for his age than me. At 25, I married the perfect excuse to stop going out on weeknights. Six years later, we gave birth to the

You Are Different, And That’s Bad.

You Are Different, And That’s Bad.

People are stupid. I should know. I’ve been one for over 50 years. The headline of this month’s column comes from an email I received more than a decade ago, which was entitled “Children’s Books We’ll Never See.” The sub-head is something I often say to remind myself that, deep down, I was born with

All The News That Fits The Premise

All The News That Fits The Premise

In the intro paragraph to her January 25 article, “Daughter of Birmingham Plans Revival”, New York Times reporter Donna Paul writes, “…After a period of prosperity and growth, Birmingham was brought to its knees by the Depression and wracked by the end of segregation. Birmingham has never fully recovered its prominence. Its population today, 230,000,

Selling Yourself In A Buyer’s Market (Dos and Don’ts. Mostly Don’ts.)

Selling Yourself In A Buyer’s Market (Dos and Don'ts. Mostly Don'ts.)

(Alecia Silverstone in the movie “Clueless”) My agency has an opening for an art director, and I’ve placed an online Help Wanted ad which includes one non-negotiable prerequisite: “Previous Ad Agency experience absolutely required.” Here’s a very brief (and verbatim) sampling of the responses I’ve received: “I am a graduating senior in college that is

Why I Rarely Ever Post Reader Comments

Why I Rarely Ever Post Reader Comments

In general, the folks who send me Comments appear to come from another planet altogether. Like, for example, the putz with Abercrombie Fitch UK who sent me the same 902 word sales pitch thirteen times. That said, if you have a comment that’s actually related to one of my posts, send me an email with

First, Do No Harm.

First, Do No Harm.

(Theodorick Of York, Medieval Barber, bleeds a patient suffering from “an imbalance of bodily humors”.) A couple of weeks ago (after years of stubborn resistance) I replaced Outlook Express and Microsoft Schedule for Office 97 with the full version of Outlook. Much as I dreaded it, my initial reaction was unexpectedly optimistic. I was pleasantly

Dome And Dumber, or Return To Larryland.

Dome And Dumber, or Return To Larryland.

There is a pivotal scene in the 1984 mockumentary classic “Spinal Tap”—the comic history of a band’s slow decline from second-rate psychedelic hucksters to fourth-rate thud-rock has-beens. The band’s members are discussing ideas for rebounding from yet another career low, when someone roars, “I’ve got it!—Let’s bring back ‘Stonehenge!!’” (an atrocious rock opera Spinal Tap

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