(Wherein The Author Comes Out Of The Closet)

This column, its 75-song Playlist—and easily 12 hours of listening time over past few weeks—were directly inspired by a brief clip from the new Will Ferrell / Mark Wahlberg buddy-cop movie. The team receives radio orders to Bust A Perp. And not just any Perp. The big one. So for that extra blast of adrenaline, Ferrell cranks up his Perp-Busting music: The Little River Band’s soft rock staple, “Reminiscing.”

Click Here to read the entire column, and launch a free click-to-play Playlist (at the bottom of the column).

I was at lunch the other day with a buddy who posed a question I stopped asking a long time ago: “Why is radio in Birmingham so bad?” The broad answer is, “Because radio is bad everywhere”.

That said, this is not a Bash-The-Radio column. There are plenty of good people working in commercial radio—and there are any number of clients to whom I have enthusiastically recommended it as an effective, cost-efficient medium for targeting their clients.

However, as an artistic medium, I have long used radio as the quintessential example of the danger in ad agencies always doing exactly what their clients ask. In general, smart clients (who, by the way, constitute the vast majority of accounts we’ve served over the years) hire communications firms like ours because we have experience and expertise they don’t have, and we know things they don’t know.

Thankfully, it’s been a long time since I’ve heard a new business prospect say, “I have a computer at home with a whole suite of layout programs—so why should I hire you to produce my ads?” You know what, I have a piano at home. That doesn’t make me Thelonious Monk.

All of which is to say that we don’t always agree with our clients’ ideas and suggestions. Of course, we don’t fight with them (who wants an agency like that?). But we’ll certainly offer well-reasoned arguments for pursuing ideas we believe to be more strategically-sound. As far as I’m concerned, that’s one of the main services they pay for—and following a direction I flatly consider unwise, without breathing a word of concern, is (in my opinion) nothing short of professional negligence.

So whenever we disagree with a client, and they absolutely insist on having it their way, I tell them (in so many words): We’ll do what you want. After all, last time I checked, you hired us to produce work for you—not ourselves. But if this develops into a pattern, and we do only what you suggest, eventually you’ll end-up hating us. Just like people hate the radio.

So the more specific answer to my friend’s question (which I’m going to re-word): Why do people hate the radio? Because radio stations play exactly what research says they want to hear.

Once upon a time, before the suits in Research started controlling playlists, commercial radio stations had DJ’s who actually knew—and cared about—music. Yes, there was, in fact, a time when commercial radio DJ’s actually had the authority to play what they wanted people to hear. And a lot of what they played was stuff that took some getting used to. Yes, there was, in fact, a time when commercial radio listeners were actually willing to give challenging new music a chance.

Radio was cool when stations routinely played cool stuff people had never heard before. Which is why research killed cool: People don’t know what they don’t know—and very few of us are willing to invest the time and effort needed to investigate stuff they don’t already know.

So when you ask listeners what they want to hear, all they can tell you is what they already know—which usually isn’t that much. And the longer playlists are based only on what people already know, the dumber those playlists get—which is why, inevitably, those same listeners will eventually hate you.

Which is also why clients inevitably end-up hating agencies who do only what they ask for. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this complaint from prospects working with other shops: “I don’t know what we pay them for. We give them the ideas, we write the copy, and all they do is lay it out and take the 15% commission.” The problem: Either the client has a dumb agency, or the agency has a dumb client. Or both. Regardless, nobody’s best interests are being served.

Needless to say, ad agencies aren’t the only businesses routinely facing the same dilemma. Think, for instance, how many litigators have looked like utter morons because they couldn’t convince dumb clients to stay off the witness stand.

So how you deal with a client who absolutely-positively won’t listen to your best advice? If you can afford to fire them, do. In most cases, for the sake of your reputation, you can’t afford not to.

But every now and then, that simply isn’t possible—without, for instance, people you employ losing their jobs. In cases like that (to paraphrase one of Birmingham’s ad legends—who preferred to comment off the record), do what they say. Make absolutely-positively certain they’ll never forget you tried to give them your best professional advice. And take the money. After all, they’re going to pay somebody to follow orders. It might as well be you instead of the guys down the street. At the same time, know that the relationship isn’t going to last—so start looking for their replacement immediately.

Originally published 5/28/10 in the Birmingham Business Journal. http://bit.ly/hearno

Erin and Seth recently got a bulldog puppy. Seth brought it to the office last week. While everyone was eww-ing ahh-ing and awwwww-ing, Kathy (our brilliant art director) grabbed her camera and hit the floor.

One mark of a great photographer is timing. And luck. Based on the shot below, I think you can reasonably say Kathy is a great photographer. If you need further proof, check-out her website: http://kathysheridan.com/

Yes, this is a candid photo.
(However, Erin’s feet have been Photo-Tanned to spare her further mortification.)

By the way: If you’d like to see this photo larger, click on the image. Then hold down your Control button, and roll your mouse-roller forward, to zoom in.

Anyhow, that photo instantly struck me as a Motivational Poster waiting to happen. Below is what I came-up with—pretty much off the top of my head. Feel free to post your own headline submissions—and maybe I’ll lay-out the best of the best. (Again, click-and-mouse-roll, if you wanna zoom).

OUR FIRST SUBMISSION!
Andy Odum, one of the best copywriters of all time (did I say it right, Andy?), sent me the headline below less than 10 minutes after I emailed a link to this post:

I’m not a conspiracy theorist. I don’t care who shot J.R. I don’t believe Bill Clinton killed Vince Foster or Ron Brown. I do not fear fluoridation’s effects on my precious bodily fluids.

All that said, it does strike me as tremendously “interesting” that my office computer AND my home computer began slowing-down and screwing up, in ways they never had before, about five minutes after the release of Windows 7. More accurately, immediately after the first Updates installed on my Microsoft XP computers, post-Windows-7. Updates that are pretty much installed whether you want them or not.

And here’s what else is interesting: Both of my Windows XP computers now screw-up in the exact same ways. As does Erin’s XP computer—which, naturally, gave her very few problems before the release of Windows 7.

I forget who offered this keen observation in response to my noting that Microsoft sure was working hard to make you want Windows 7, but I agree with them: What Microsoft’s really working hard to make you want is an Apple.